This post was originally shared on February 27, 2013.
I have no problem admitting that on most days, I wish my life were like a romantic comedy. I know this sounds so cliche and very opening voice over monologue for The Mindy Project, but it's true; I'm semi-obsessed with the "happily ever after".
The moment after a big fight when there's rain pouring down on 2 "complete opposites" who end up finding the one true connection is their love for each other and they share that magical kiss that changes the rest of their lives. Every Nicholas Sparks movie, every ABCFamily film and just about every Nora Ephron masterpiece. But does that happen in real life? I have no freakin' clue.
I've been collecting these magical quotes of professed love from my favorite romantic movies in hopes that one day the stars will align and someone will utter those same words to me. It's as if I've been living in this dream land waiting for my knight in shining armor to gallop up to me on his white steed and whisk me away to never never land. Sounds crazy when I say it out loud, but isn't that what we all want? We can talk ourselves out of this euphoric delusion with "it's just a movie" but you can't help the butterflies you feel for complete strangers on screen when the moments come alive. It's so much easier to see actors take the risk of putting their hearts out there than actually take the leap ourselves.
Well, you're about to witness a leap. A leap of faith in you as a reader to not judge, but to learn. And to appreciate the love around us.
Throwing 100% Marge at ya. You ready?
I have never been in love.
I promise this isn't the beginning to another RomCom....yet. (Producers, get at me!)
Laugh, cry, pity, whatever. I don't care but I need to share my story. That is the whole point of this blogging endeavor, isn't it. To put myself out there honestly so others will feel comfortable with themselves.
So ya, I can honestly say that as I come around in my 25th year of life, I have never been in love. The love I've coveted in the movies and thought I needed since I was a young girl. The can't breathe, can't sleep, just need to be with that one special person. Sounds pathetic some may say. Others may think I'm strange. Go ahead. But let me tell you something, I have given and received love every day, every moment of my life and to me, right now, that means more. I know what real, unconditional love looks and feels like from friends, family and sometimes strangers and until I find that one person, I'm not going to settle for the imitation love.
I was always the odd ball, the third wheel, the funny side kick. Mostly, because that's where I felt comfortable at the time. I wasn't going to waste my time messing around like some of the other girls I watched who were always unhappy. I needed to take care of myself and learn how to love and appreciate who I was before I could throw it all away for some mildly attractive guy who would in turn treat me like garbage. Learning who we are is a lifetime journey. We change, evolve and are constantly learning new things about ourselves. Of course, there were crushes, awkward moments of rejection and loneliness, but without all of that I wouldn't have been able to establish who I am now and what I want for my future. Looking back I think "Smoooooth, Marge. Way to be slick!" But those will be the funny moments I remember when I'm old and have grand kids to share embarrassing stories with.
I recently read a quote (from Pinterest of course) that said "love when you're ready, not when you're lonely". I look around at girls who waver in and out of control over who they are and who they want to be. Many move from relationship to relationship, never taking the time to be comfortable with themselves. They can't face the silence when a man leaves them. They can't reach into themselves and bring themselves back out of the darkness alone. In my deepest, darkest of times, I always felt I had a light flickering somewhere within that pulled me back out and it was only mine. That was love.
When I think about my future with love, as I've said in past posts, I look towards the relationships I've seen. My parents, who are celebrating 40 years of marriage this year, are my definition of the love I hope to have. After 40 years, they laugh, they dance, they enjoy meals, they sit in quiet, they travel, they worship, they work through problems, they live in love. They have taught me what a marriage and a future of happiness involves. Yes, it's not all rainbows and flowers, but after the storm and the rain, together they can enjoy the beauty. They have shown me what "happily ever after" really means. It's not what we see on screen. It's not scripted, staged or directed. It's real.
I'm okay with waiting until the right man comes along because when it's right, it's forever. I have hope that he is out there and will love me for my flaws, laugh at my jokes, and spend everyday making our own fairy tale.