Daily Dose: Day One "No Butts About It"

This post was originally shared on January 17, 2015. 

I'd like to spend today's "Daily Dose" discussing a topic that I've put on the back burner long enough. I've shared several intimate details about my life and my past in these last 21 posts, but now I really need to come clean with the whole truth. I've spent years pretending that this vital flaw hasn't effected how I view myself and others and the lifestyle I've built for myself, but it's just too hard to continue the charade. With pop-culture, magazines, online articles, twitter, instagram, twits, tweeps, snap this's, dick pics, and that wild excuse for "Music" TeleVision, I can no longer escape a world in which I do not belong. Just like a super hero, learning his/her true powers hidden in a flaw, I must come to accept this and move, specifically, forward.

I was born without a BUTT!

I'll take a moment for you to grab a tissue and wipe those tears. No, there isn't a picture to prove it and no, I won't DM you one either! It's been a rough 26 years, but from studies done in movies of people dealing with major life issues and dependencies, I've learned that "admission is the first step."

I'm not sure how it all happened, honestly. I grew up a normal child, without much attention to an excessive posterior and no real need for it. I had a back, hips, and legs, all necessary elements. My "butt" seemed to fit in pants like the other kids, kept me cushioned when I fell and allowed me to sit, stand and function like everyone else. So what was the need of social acceptance for a larger rear?

As an avid music lover, my need for "some junk in that trunk" came when the beat dropped. Check out this list of wonderful "booty" songs.... 

  • All About That Bass Meghan Trainor
  • Bootylicious Destiny's Child
  • Fat Bottomed Girls Queen
  • Bubble Butt Major Lazer
  • My Humps Black Eyed Peas
  • Honky Tonk Badonkadonk Trace Adkins
  • Wiggle Jason Derulo

The only one that actually gets it right is by the darling, Sir Mix-a-lot in Baby Got Back and honestly, I can't even listen to the song anymore. It's only in saying those three little words "Baby Got Back" that ring true to my soul. Forgotten are all those years I spent programming my brain to remember each verse of the rap at school sleepover parties. Now, all I hear is a song that preaches about butts being "round & juicy", which is alarmingly, a serious medical issue. 

And fellas, YA!, fellas, YA! is it really "all about 'dat butt"? I'm a lovely person. I like football. I'm funny. I have normal boobs!!! (None of those pancake ones, yikes!) and I'm not crazy like the girls on The Bachelor. Can you live knowing that, while your girl doesn't have a butt like J-Lo, or even, J-Law, she is still pretty cool? 

Even Justin Timberlake knows what's up. My heart will never recover from this. 

My hope for this confession is not to deter from those bootified ladies, but to bring awareness to the feelings of rejection one has when she hears a great new jam on the radio, or at the club, and realizes she will never be able to "shake it off" or "get low" or hell, even "bust a move". (Studies I've done reflects direct correlation between lack of butt and lack of dance skills.) If there are others out there, and I know there are, who feel like their booty's just don't literally, fit in, I encourage you to take a stand! Show the world that you don't need that butt to feel worthwhile! You don't need a butt to have a good time! You can awkwardly sway side to side on the dance floor while those whores, I mean other girls, wiggle their butts like they're shooting an Usher video. But know, deep in your heart, it was never about the butt, it's about who you are without it!